On the Superlicious Fantasticness of New Students
by EraTomo
Summary: Taking place during Harry’s first year at Hogwarts, Maria fights the oncoming onslaught of Mary Sues from distorting the plot, taming Malfoy, and taking characters as their love puppets.
1. Samantha Ubeaty

On the Superlicious Fantasticness of New Students

Chapter One: Samantha Ubeaty

Takes Place: Sorcerer's Stone

Summary: OH, heck no. Maria did NOT just see another Mary Sue enter Hogwarts.

Taking place during Harry's first year at Hogwarts, Maria fights the oncoming onslaught of Mary Sues from distorting the plot, taming Malfoy, claiming any character as their love puppet, and any of the other awful things they do.

* * *

Samantha's hands quivered anxiously as she waited for her name to be called during the Sorting. She was so excited! Finally, it was her turn to take place amongst the amazing people of Hogwarts, the one and only school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Not only this, but Harry Potter, the boy who lived, was supposed to be coming here as well! She grinned to herself and continued listening to the people whose names were being called.

"Granger, Hermione!" Professor McGonagall barked.

A small girl with untamed bushels of mousy brown hair and peculiar looking front teeth bounded up to take her place on the stool. The Sorting Hat was placed onto her head.

"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat burst out.

The girl, Hermione, grinned broadly and went to take her place with the table that was cheering. Some redheaded kid next to Samantha groaned. Samantha nearly did, too. After all, her whole family had been in Gryffindor, and she would have to suffer seeing that girl's horrible untamed hair every day. Nevertheless, she retained her correct posture, smiling slightly. She must make sure to be as pretty as possible, just in case Harry was somewhere nearby. She wanted to make a great first impression. She knew, just knew, that he was the one for her. Her sleek and shiny blonde hair fell around her mid-back. Her dazzling emerald green eyes could sparkle with just a thought. Her skin was so milky, creamily white. She was absolutely perfect for the rugged hero.

"Potter, Harry!" Professor McGonagall called.

The hall went quiet for a moment, and then ripples of whispers moved from one student to another. A boy, who was still somewhat short and had a messy mop of black hair, walked up to and then sat on the stool. The Sorting hat was deposited on his head. A few moments went by. Then…

"GRYFFINDOR!"

The whole of the Gryffindor table burst with cheers, while there were groans audible from other tables. The redheaded boy next to Samantha punched the air and whooped. For one heart-stopping moment, after Harry had sat down, she was _sure_ he had looked her in the eyes. He had the same emerald green eyes as she did. She was now elated. She couldn't wait to sit next to him. He would turn to her, and their eyes would meet for the second time…

"Theris, Maria!" Professor McGonagall yelled, somewhat wearily.

Samantha felt someone push roughly past her. As she turned to tell the person off, she caught a glimpse of steely brown eyes. The owner of the eyes said, "Don't push your luck."

That was when Samantha knew that she hated that girl.

The girl had her hair cut to her chin in a bob, a completely unpractical cut. Her face was small, her features balanced. She perched on the stool and the hat was dropped on her. Quite a few minutes went by.

"RAVENCLAW!" The hat yelled.

Maria smiled to herself in a pleased sort of way, and went off to join the cheering table. Samantha smirked. At least she didn't have to worry about her being competition. Anyways, it was—

"Ubeaty, Samantha!"

Her heart fluttered as she ran gracefully to the stool. She gushed as she noticed the whole hall staring at her… except for Harry. He seemed to be in conversation with the bushy-haired girl named Hermione. Samantha felt the hat lowered on her head, and then glowered at the inside. Then she heard a tiny voice whispering in her ear…

"Ah, mighty vain, aren't we?" The voice said. Samantha jumped.

"How dare you?!" She whispered to it.

"Not very bright, either. You don't need to speak out loud, just think to me."

Which she did, with some very choice words.

"Ah, but you are bold. At least, when angered."

"Yes, exactly! I'm bold and brave and therefore I should be in Gryffindor."

"Oh, no no. I'm quite sure you should rather be in HUFFLEPUFF!" The hat exploded.

As the Hufflepuff table applauded, Samantha fumed silently to herself as the hat was taken off. Then she smiled, and focused her mind on walking gracefully to the Hufflepuff table. She glanced out of the corner of her eye at Harry, who was now talked to two redheaded twins. She scanned the rest of the hall, found no other suitable guys, and finally sat down at her table. She smiled to the rest of the Hufflepuffs, and spent the rest of the ceremony trying to catch Harry's eye.

* * *

Yes, it's the end of Chapter 1. Chapter 1 was basically to introduce to you the characters. Now, can you spot the Mary Sue?

EraTomo

P.S. Since the definition of Mary Sue varies slightly from person to person, if you'd like to know what I'm basing them off of, just message me.


	2. The Beauty's Fate

On the Superlicious Fantasticness of New Students

Chapter Two: Samantha Ubeaty

Takes Place: Sorcerer's Stone

Summary: OH, heck no. Maria did NOT just see another Mary Sue enter Hogwarts.

Taking place during Harry's first year at Hogwarts, Maria fights the oncoming onslaught of Mary Sues from distorting the plot, taming Malfoy, claiming any character as their love puppet, and any of the other awful things they do.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter besides the original characters that are Mary Sues. You know, I kind of wish I didn't own them.

* * *

Anneta had been on her way to the Great Hall for some breakfast when a very odd sight struck her. A beautiful girl was hiding out just in front of the Grand Staircase. Well, it wouldn't have been that strange if it wasn't obvious. She was nearly falling over the statue she was squatting by, trying to get a glimpse of something or other. Then there was something else that made it strange. A Ravenclaw was sitting on the other side of the statue, calmly munching on some biscuits she had nabbed from the Great Hall.

She recognized the blonde girl, of course, as Samantha Ubeaty. She was the brilliantly beautiful first year that had caught Anneta's own boyfriend's eye. It wasn't Samantha's fault at all, of course. But still. Then the Ravenclaw girl was named Maria, a new first year that had been in the common room last night. She seemed really quiet, but not shy. How did those two end up becoming friends?

Anneta wanted to watch more, so she ran towards the Great Hall. Hopefully she could get some food and carry it out with her, and then she could see what was happening.

* * *

Samantha let out a hardly muffled gasp. There he was, there he was! The Boy Who Lived! The one who would, irresistible to her charms, fall in love with her. She would drive that stupid Hermione, who had stolen Harry's eyes the night before, insane. He would be looking at Samantha, the blonde beauty, and only Samantha. He would blow off his friends to stay with her, would make gifts or buy things for her, and they would spend time sitting next to each other in front of a fireplace. Then, when the time was right, they would look deeply into each other's eyes, and…

Samantha squealed to herself, and then composed herself. She waited for Harry to be halfway down the stairs, and then stepped forward—

And fell flat on her face. She growled, looking up at whoever was so evil to have tripped her. It was Maria.

"WHAT is your PROBLEM?!" She growled at the short-haired Ravenclaw, and stood up. Maria withdrew the offending foot.

"I don't think you understand," Maria said to the blazing emerald eyes.

"What don't I understand?!"

"You may never, ever talk to Harry."

"WHAT?!"

"Not even if he were about to die and you might save his life." Maria stared into Samantha's eyes.

"Who do you think you are, telling me what to do?!"

"I'm not anybody, that's the thing."

"Ugh, you are so annoying. I'm allowed to talk to whomever I want to talk to. That's the point of being your own person," Samantha told her.

"Just don't interfere. If you do, I will stop you."

Samantha started to say something else, but before she could, Maria turned on her heel and walked away. Samantha gaped after her.

"Ugh."

* * *

Anneta caught up with Maria in the hallway.

"Hey! Um, if you don't mind me asking, what were you doing with that blonde in the in front of the Grand staircase?" Anneta asked, trying to keep her voice friendly and not troubling.

"Oh, nothing, she was looking for her lost hair clip, and she asked me to keep her company." Maria said simply.

"How strange… I thought you wouldn't be interested in that sort of thing." Anneta chuckled a little.

Maria sighed heavily. "I'm not. I've gotta get to class."

"Oh… right!" Anneta said slowly, and turned down a different hallway. "Bye!"

* * *

That girl _was_ competition! Well, it wouldn't be a problem. All she had to do was let Harry get a glimpse of her, and luckily, Herbology was next. She raced through breakfast and down to the greenhouses. She sat on a stool near the door, waiting for Harry to come in. But before he could, she felt a puff of air next to her. She turned. Maria was there with her wand out towards herself.

"What are you doing here? This is a Hufflepuff-Gryffindor class."

"But I'm not here."

"Ugh. I don't have time for your riddles." She turned back to the doorway to just barely notice a black-haired boy covered by a red-headed one. They went to the other end of the table, which was obscured by plants.

"DAMNIT! This is your fault!" She turned to Maria accusingly, but Maria had vanished with another gust of wind.

* * *

After class, the two classes filtered out of the room. Hufflepuffs were supposed to head for flying lessons, but instead, Samantha trailed after Harry. Ron was with him. She lifted her wand and pointed it at Ron's bag.

"_Wingardium Leviosa."_ She whispered.

The back floated out of Ron's grip, and then was thrown in towards the pond.

"Oh, no!" Ron shouted. "I can't let that stuff get wet, it's my only stuff, I don't have money for spare things!" He began chasing after it. Harry began to follow.

"No, you can't, class will be up soon, I'll be right there, don't worry!" Ron yelled over his shoulder.

"Yes…" Samantha muttered, and jogged ahead to catch up with Harry.

"H—" She began, but couldn't finish. She was wrapped up in a swirl of smoke and wind, the breath stolen out of her lungs. The next thing she knew, she was in the middle of a pitch black room, with a small ray of light in the center that just allowed her to be looking right at Maria.

* * *

"Wha—"

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, ALREADY?!" Maria shrieked.

"What…?"

"HAVE YOU ANY IDEA AT ALL OF THE DAMAGE YOU'VE ALREADY DONE?! WITH THAT ONE SIMPLE SPELL?! YOU SICKEN ME!" Maria yelled. "YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK TO HIM OR AFFECT HIM IN ANY WAY, I TOLD YOU, I WARNED YOU, YOU DIDN'T LISTEN! WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN, I WAS PERFECTLY CLEAR ABOUT WHAT I SAID, IT WAS SIMPLE ENOUGH, BUT NOW YOU'VE GONE AND DONE IT, OH YOU'VE DONE IT!" She continued, on the brink of hysterics.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU DON'T OWN HIM OR ME, I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!" Samantha yelled back.

"NO, YOU CAN'T! YOU CAN'T BECAUSE YOU AREN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE! YOU DON'T EXIST!"

"What? Of course I exist, I'm right here in front of you aren't I?" Samantha said, wondering about the mental state of Maria.

"Prove that you exist." Maria said coldly. Samantha remained silent.

"You can't, can you?" Maria continued. "You aren't supposed to exist at all. You simply don't. You and I do not exist, and therefore we aren't allowed to interfere with Harry, or any of the others at all."

"What others?"

"Anyone Harry associates himself with. Anyone who really does exist." Maria said darkly.

"How can you even tell they exist if we don't?" Samantha accused.

"I don't have to explain myself to you. I just, I can. Okay?"

"What the hell kind of explanation is that?!"

"Just shut up. You've ruined it, you've ruined it, and I'm screwed, my mission is already over, I can't believe this…" Maria said desperately.

"What mission?"

"I'm supposed to make sure no one bugs him! Huh, does it click now? Are you sorry for fucking up?!" Maria shouted.

"All I did was blow Ron's bag near the lake!"

"No, _into_ the lake. You know what happened after that? He headed into the lake, forgot about the giant squid inside of it."

"He didn't die?!"

"No, of course not. He was saved by a certain Malfoy."

"What?! Like hell Malfoy would do that." Samantha said incredulously.

"You'd think so. But Malfoy knew that he could always use someone who owed him his life hanging around Harry Potter." Maria said.

"But Ron would never do that to Harry!"

"I knew it!"Maria yelled.

"Knew what?"

"You're not just a Good-Looking one, you're a Plot-Knower!" Maria accused Samantha this time.

"No, I just can tell that they're supposed to be friends." Samantha said calmly.

"Yeah, because their friendship has been cemented with what now?"

Samantha didn't respond.

"Exactly… imagine what Malfoy could promise to Ron… what he could give to him!" Maria began. "Money, popularity—power."

"I still don't think—"

"Well yeah, there's a chance Ron wouldn't. He's a smart, if vulnerable guy. However, the seed has been sown. Fate can be changed. A new destiny can be set in motion."

"…"

"Now, I have to get rid of you. I'm sorry." Maria looked down at the floor.

"Get rid of me how?" Samantha asked haughtily.

"Either you realize you don't fully exist and leave, or I have to kill you." Maria glared into Samantha's eyes.

"You couldn't…"

"Judging by the fact that you're still here, I think you still believe you truly exist." Maria began pacing slowly around Samantha in a circle.

"But, that's illegal." Samantha accused Maria calmly.

"I'm a placebo." She said simply.

"You mean a fake medicine? A sugar pill?" Samantha asked.

"Somewhat, I guess I do just fake that the problem isn't there. But that's not just it. I 'exist' for my mission. It is what is keeping me in this universe. I exist to please my creator." Maria stopped.

"Who's your creator?"

"Unimportant. Now, either tell yourself you don't exist or I must kill you."

"But… that's impossible! I'm living right now!" Samantha said adamantly.

"If I must, I shall." Maria held out her wand and pulled a necklace out from under her shirt. On it was a single medallion. It was gray, and around the rim read "_We,Existentia, Dvylika, Dauthus._" She held the tip of her wand to _Dauthus_ and said, "_Scearp Zwaard!_" The wand was refined to the point of a sharp, silver steel tip. Maria turned to Samantha. "If you can't tell yourself you don't exist, I will be forced to kill you."

Samantha paled at the sight of the sword. She reached for her wand, but found nothing. She had nothing but her uniform on, and nothing for a weapon. She knew no self defense, but either way the sword would be able to pierce through her hands.

"I don't exist. I don't exist. I don't exist. I don't exist. I don't exist! I really don't exist!" She began chanting to herself hysterically, her voice rising with panic and fear each time. "I don't exist, I really don't! I believe I don't exist, I can't exist!" Maria turned to Samantha and held the sword at the ready.

"I DON'T EXIST, I DON'T EXIST, I DON'T EXIST AT ALL!" She began screaming. Maria charged, her eyes locked on Samantha's heart, her ears desperately trying to block out the hysteric girl's screaming, which was now echoing across the room:

"I DON'T EXIST! I DON'T EXIST! _I DON'T EXIST! PLEASE DON'T LET ME EXIST! I DON'T EXIST, I DON'T EXIST, I DON'T EXIST!!!" _

…_exist…exist…exist…_

These words were torment.

Well that turned out darker than intended. A bit of a foray into the idea of existence, eh? Well, I like it. Hooray, fanfictions with actual import.

~EraTomo


	3. Maria's Purpose

On the Superlicious Fantasticness of New Students

Chapter Three: Maria's Purpose

Takes Place: Sorcerer's Stone, the morning after Samantha Ubeaty

Summary: OH, heck no. Maria did NOT just see another Mary Sue enter Hogwarts.

Taking place during Harry's first year at Hogwarts, Maria fights the oncoming onslaught of Mary Sues from distorting the plot, taming Malfoy, claiming any character as their love puppet, and any of the other awful things they do.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter besides the original characters that are Mary Sues. Or maybe aren't. Oh, what now?!

* * *

It took no more than one day for the boys to notice.

"The blonde goddess is gone!"

"Why did she leave? Where could she be?"

"Have you happened to have seen her? I miss just looking at her."

"I wouldn't have gone after her, not once in a blue moon. Her personality was lacking, she acted like a loon! I don't think anyone could have taken long to notice, she was naught but a gold-digger, a fame-stealer, a freak! Eyes only for Harry, you've noticed, I'm sure."

So long as no one mentioned it to him, life would be great. But life apparently hated Maria, and off she went when her necklace hummed. She ran into Myrtle's bathroom and then stood there, not yet ready to transfer to her master's quarters. Her master wouldn't like it a bit, but for now she just had to get her story straight! He said not to let any Sues bother with them, so she did as she was told. Maybe she shouldn't have been quite so bold. I mean, killing the poor thing—but it wasn't really killing, was it? That thing didn't exist in the first place, and for that matter neither did—

Maria looked up and just realized the bathroom around her had dissolved into a darkened room. The height of the person before her, accompanied with a glint of silver hair, made her realize who she was facing. She knelt on the ground and waited for him to speak.

"So, you took care of Samantha, did you?" The man spoke with an old, pleasant tone.

"So you heard…" Maria muttered.

"It wasn't hard! Nearly every pubescent teenage boy in Hogwarts is talking about it. I think you've done more harm than good."

"I was only doing what you said! I mean, she threw the book into the water—"

"Yes, and Malfoy was on the other side of the lake. Or, he was supposed to be, anyways. Who knows where he got off to?" There was buoyancy in the man's voice that made Maria realize he'd stopped Malfoy on the way.

"Crap!"

"Precisely. Anyways, I've new rules for you. You, yourself, must continue to remain undiscovered by the three best friends. Well, Hermione hasn't really gotten with them yet, has she? She will eventually, but keep on your toes. However, you must allow Mary Sues to have contact. I doubt it would kill the deals of fate if a Mary Sue managed to talk to the poor boy. Besides, he's never been one to fall for sheer looks alone."

"Never been one? Haven't you—"

"More importantly, he won't be interested in girls for a few more years."

"How did you know that? And that Hermione would eventually—"

"Well, you knew about Hermione."

"Of course I did, but everybody knows it!"

"No, they don't. Do not forget that this is the past." The voice chuckled slightly. "You're somewhat of an idiot."

"Thanks, you're somewhat of a Plot Sue!"

"As are you."

"But that's reasonably explained!"

"As am I!"

"What?! You make no sense, old man!" Maria sat down now, instead of kneeling.

"Do not forget," The man began, his voice suddenly serious, "That your job shall only last until the fifth year. Only five Sues pose an actual threat, and as time wears on you will have a harder time deciphering who is who, and which Sue can actually harm the story."

"I know, I know."

"But, remember that once your duty has been served, you will cease to exist, as your job in this universe will be finished."

"Just a question, how come you won't cease to exist, or Harry, for that matter?"

"Oh, but I will cease to exist." The voice had lost its serious edge, and there was a smile within it.

"What?"

"Yes, a year later. And Harry fortunately exists in this world."

"…How do you prove that you exist…?" Maria asked uncertainly.

"You can't." The old man said.

"Then how can anyone prove they exist?" Maria wondered aloud.

"No, don't misinterpret my answer. You can't. Harry, on the other hand, can."

"…"

"Yes, I'm quite sure you've realized it yourself, by now. You must not admit this fact out loud, for when you do, you shall disappear, and the story could go to ruin if the Sues aren't stopped."

"You could stop them on your own, you know." Maria pointed out grudgingly.

"Yes, but that would be much less fun," The old man replied.

"Asshole."

"Now, now, Maria. You may go." As Maria stood to leave, the voice said, "You can only prove your existence by your memories of the past. Can you remember being born…?"

But Maria had already pressed her wand to her necklace and vanished.

* * *

'_Yes_,' Maria thought, '_I don't exist. I can't forget that. My purpose might be to rid the Sues of Hogwarts, but for that to truly happen, I can't ever forget that I don't exist. As much as the Sues don't belong here, neither do I. Because… I'm a Mary Sue myself.'_

* * *

Yeah, that probably wasn't amazingly shocking to anyone. She's a bit tame for a Sue, but, yes. She is one! Well, the next chapter will happen in Second year, Chamber of Secrets. Just a heads up!

OH, and, the comedic atmosphere will return in the next chapter. Well, scratch out comedic and insert crazy. xD

Reviewer Question: What is your favorite ship and why? Even if it's a crack pairing!

EraTomo


End file.
